(no subject)
loudeater
 it is the indelible chill that awakens my senses in this night shrouded with uncertain darkness

Newest
loudeater
and we race these horizons, discontentment and disappointment choking on the ashes of our departure. we waste our time drinking wine, playing these games with nothing more to say. the falling sun gently kisses our eyes as we fall into sleep, her hand on my chest. yet awakening in the night, her brown eyes swallow the darkness with the most unfathomable of beauties. rest slipping from our eyes we chase the rising moon, her hand slipping from mine, my grip tightening. her look feigning bravery, but screaming fear. mine answering, "i will never leave you here".

its been a while
loudeater
And these words he spoke, teeming with fire, resonated in a room full of pliable hearts. For years these faces riddled with fear have put their collective faith into something bigger than themselves, but all to no avail. They weren't enough to be saved, these words that he spoke, yet every letter of every word held a firm stance in the air, not for salvation, but for a peace that had been out of reach every second he let his fear take hold of his heart. He had chosen his path, but for once without regret and without fear.

new
loudeater
and he stood, discontentment adulating from every pore, speaking the most beautiful of broken words. A forlorn soliloquy rising from the deepest pits of his soul, with hope.

reflection
loudeater
There are a lot of things in life that don't make sense. Saying that makes me feel cliche and like im just stating a very obvious fact, but its a good springboard into me ranting. A lot of times I feel as if nothing that i do is good enough for anyone, yet i persist in my endeavors regardless. I don't feel like i deserve to be happy, but i do feel as if not having that chance myself the least i can do is try to give someone else that opportunity. I haven't had a good picture in my head that i can liken this to until very very recently.

When i was doing track in texas there was this piece of exercise equipment called a sled. Basically, it was a sled with a vertical pole on which one would stack weights. This was attached to a harness that would ultimately be attached to the person who was going to drag it around. This was to improve muscle endurance and stamina as the person using said device would drag it a predetermined distance. Using this wasn't ever particularly fun, though the feeling of accomplishment after was something of a wholly rewarding experience in itself. So there you are, at some sort of starting point with this weight strapped to your shoulders and waist. You wait for the signal, then youre off. Sometimes running, sometimes crawling, both at such a furious pace.

It seems now that so much weight has been added that i cant move. I try my hardest, just one more stride, just one more inch. But nothing more comes. Im on my hands and knees and im clawing at the endless earth, struggling, yelling, crying out, but im stuck in this. The harness is digging so deep into my shoulders that its drawing blood, i keep screaming for some relief but even more weight is added and there is nothing i can do to remedy this madness. Clawing still at the earth, pulling so hard, feeling the most bitter of burning sensations in my lungs, the sweat burning my eyes, my muscles aching, but i would keep trying. This past week has added the final weight to this sled, taken my final breath and final ounce of energy. I have nothing more to give for this, instead i lie in defeat on the ground. Gasping for some air, blood and dirt caking onto my fingernails, defeat mixed with sweat emanating from every pore. I have nothing left to give. There is no second wind, no bit of relief. Instead, now, i will just lie there in defeat waiting for something or someone to coerce me to the end, but never will that reassurance come.

I feel robbed of all energy i have ever had to help myself. Now ive given up, for good. Instead of trying to move forward, ill sit here in agony, hoping for rest, to catch a break, to catch my breath.

(no subject)
loudeater
These stars echo a passion so brooding, so resonant, that in sleep their death still shines. A melatonin induced slumber is haunted by nightmares of love, the worst of all demons.

(no subject)
loudeater
This is, unabashedly, the most nervous I have been in so long.

EVEN STILL BALLIN IN FRENCH!!
loudeater
mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix, se fond avec les mélodies plus belle sombres vous chanter, et son met le feu par l'éclat de vos brune yeux

i may have posted this before?
loudeater
tes yeux, qui sont bruns, retentir dans moi

ITS IN FRENCH SON!!!
loudeater
Il semble que la tristesse dans tes yeux me brise le cœur. Ces yeux d'une beauté infinie aujourd'hui entravée par les larmes que vous versez caressant doucement le visage, le même visage que je veux voir sourire. Son beau sourire peut donner un aperçu de la beauté dans sa forme la plus raffinée.

?

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